tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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