in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
