Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
