I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
