This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize