the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize