Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
