Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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