Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
