I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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