if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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