I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
