make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
