Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
