Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
