my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
3 2 1 whiskey
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
