My first STD was from a foam party
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
