I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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