I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
