this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
