Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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