So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
