And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize