Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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