Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
