you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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