You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
