if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
