im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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