I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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