Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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