I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize