apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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