i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
