There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
