i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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