Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
