it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
