Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
