It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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