Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
