I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
