mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
