all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
