Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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