Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
