my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
