Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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