Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
