Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
