so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize