she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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