Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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