i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
