I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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