hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I look better un-naked...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
