oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
