I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i believe in u and ur pee
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
