He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
