We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
