I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
