I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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