I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
