I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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