i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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