there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
