his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
