Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
