What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
