Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize