i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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