JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
