You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
