butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
