Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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