i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
