When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize