2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
